Before I write my masterpiece, there are just a few things I need to get out of the way first.
1. Make Dementia Playlist. When I'm demented in a subpar nursing home, unloved and nonverbal, I'll need some tunes. Dementia soundtrack should include, but not be limited to:
The Stones, Joni Mitchell, Eric Clapton, Pergolesi, Carl Phillip Emmanuel Bach, Lou Reed, George Wassouf, Amr Diab, Umm Kulthoum (not too much), Sarah Vaughan, maybe The Beatles (but not too much), "Nar," "Eskanderaya," "Ya Habibi," "Jesus Christ Superstar," Chopin, Vivaldi, Beethoven, "Whip It," Dylan (not too much), Abdel Halim Hafez singing "Gabbar," that one song by Loggins and Messina I can never remember—"Keep Me In Mind"?—some James Taylor & Carly Simon, Mary Martin singing "My Funny Valentine," that song from "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg," The Jackson Five, Michael Jackson, Joan Armatrading singing "Show Some Emotion," Wuthering Heights movie soundtrack, Kate Bush, The Pretenders, Frank Sinatra, all of Led Zeppelin, some Genesis, the whole "Sacred Love" album by Sting (repeat "Book of My Life" and "Sacred Love" x5)
...and further instructions for care: if I'm delusional in a happy way, please don't remind me where I am.
2. Afterlife or reincarnation? Decide which concept requires more attention. Decide if the concept of reincarnation arose as a result of some smart ass asking, "Where was I before I was born?" because he got sick of the shitty answers he got for "Where will I go after I die?"
3. Figure out how to change the default to 16 pt. so you don't have to squint so much.
4. Have a garage sale. But first,
5. Empty the garage and the basement. Also, buy price tags, put an ad in the paper, make signs, borrow folding tables, consult calendar and astrological forecast.
6. Figure out who am I if I have amnesia? If I regain my memory, am I a dual entity or do I have to reject one of my selves?
7. In the movie "Total Recall," is the new Hauser responsible for the immorality of the old Hauser? And if not, does that mean none of us is responsible for acts we come to regret? Were both personae (the fascist and the rebel) artificially implanted and the real Hauser is just a blue-collar worker with wanderlust? Decide once and for all.
8. Read "Total Recall." Stop smirking when you say Philip K. Dick.
9. Determine if effort of any kind is futile. Given the inevitability of death and misunderstanding.